Divorce Coach's Guide to 7 Indicators That Makes OR Breaks a Relationship

Couples who have been married for decades offer a glimpse of what it takes to sustain a long-term relationship in the face of overwhelming cultural changes. As a Divorce Coach, these are some of the key points I’ve been noticing that set apart relationships / marriages that works from those heading down to the gutter.

Which direction is your relationship heading?

1. Tolerance

Though you may think tolerance is a quality you reserve for a wider circle of acquaintances, it is an important factor in close, intimate relationships as well. Tolerance allows you to overlook those maddening habits that you once thought were interesting and later find drives you crazy. Tolerance allows the other person to have opinions different from your own and be his or her own person. Tolerance allows the separateness that makes togetherness possible.

1. Kindness

People aren’t perfect. Our own imperfection should be a clear indication of how much perfection you should require of your partner. Forgiving minor infractions and supporting your partner through personal failings should be part of your relationship pact. Over time, kindness and understanding can help both parties to grow as individuals and as a couple.

1. Humor

Almost invariably, older couples mention the value of humor when talking about their formulas for successful marriage. Life has a way of throwing curves that often seem insurmountable. Humor goes a long way toward making difficult times less ominous, and offers a different perspective on what might be considered a grim situation. Humor also allows for shared “inside” jokes that bind a couple together. Loving someone’s sense of humor is an indication that they provide a view of life that can enlarge your own interpretation of events and situations.

1. Good Manners

No doubt you have learned manners in relationship to the outside world, but good manners will also serve you well in a relationship. Courtesy involves considerations of others feelings and needs, and nowhere is that more important than in the close, daily interactions of marital life. A simple “please” and “thank you” can help your partner know he or she is appreciated and valued. Holding open doors, helping the other pick up dropped items and assisting with daily chores helps to show you honor your partner as you would other people you encounter very day. Good manners are the antidote to the laziness of familiarity.

1. Accepting The Other’s Family

This issue can often be a difficult one for many couples. The other family may have members that try one’s patience or cause continuous problems during family interactions. However, a relationship, especially a marriage, fundamentally involves enlarging your family group. Every person has some good qualities, and it’s best to try to focus on positive qualities when interacting with in-laws (or soon to be ones).

1. Being Honest About Spending

Money is often a cause of conflict between couple especially those who are domestic partners or married. If you start your relationship/marriage with complete honesty about what is important for you in spending money, and understand your partner’s needs, this accommodation can ease many of the financial conflicts on life’s road. Decide what amount of spending requires a “conference” and stick to this rule when considering larger purchases. And always remember, your partner is more important than any amount of money when dealing with financial issues.

1. Supporting Parental Decisions

Raising children is one of the greatest pleasures for many couples (who want children, of course), but it can also cause tensions when you and your partner disagree about whether you should even have children or how children should be raised. If necessary, find a compromise position and ensure it’s the one that you both can support it.

Though some of these relationship tips may seem obvious, they are often forgotten in the chaos of daily life. Re-commit yourself to implementing them, and you will find that your relationship / marriage improves daily as the years pass.